I’ve had 49 words on this blank sheet of paper for three days now and I don’t know where to go from here. I mean, I know where I want it to end up but I don’t know how to get it there. Story of my life I guess.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. “You have the wrinkle you get in your forehead when you’re bothered.” He pointed out with a wag of his finger. “Since I didn’t kill anyone today I know it’s nothing I did.”
“My best friend is pregnant and she’s going to die when she gives birth. If you think I have the energy to be bothered by anything else, then you’re wrong.”
“She could still get an abortion; she’s not that far along. That’s the only solution.”
Raina, disgusted by him, shook her head and found herself yelling. “How you could you just say that like it’s so obvious?”
“Because it is.” Devyn insisted calmly. “With Grace dead, who is going to take care of the kid? Adam? Please,” Devyn scoffed. “The guy can’t survive without Grace. Once she’s gone he’ll be gone too. He’ll leave Wolf Jr. with his parents and we’ll never hear from him again. I could guarantee it but I don’t know if it’ll be a boy or a girl, so—”
“I can’t believe you think that.” Raina breathed, pronouncing each word with care. “Adam wouldn’t leave, he loves Grace. Yeah, he wants her to abort but that’s because he doesn’t want her to die. If the situation was changed and Grace would live, he’d be thrilled to be a father.”
“And you and him are such great friends now?” Devyn smirked. “He hates you and he hates that Grace has you in her life and that you aren’t going anywhere. The whole vamp vs. wolf man thing isn’t just the plot in some crappy teenage movie, it’s a reality. You don’t know what he’s feeling, but I do.”
“Right, and you’re so much closer to him than I am.” Raina remarked sarcastically. “You two can’t have a conversation without verbally murdering each other.”
“Fair enough,” Devyn shrugged. “But it has nothing to do with us being best buds. I’m a man—”
“And he’s a man.” Devyn said, ignoring Raina’s question. “On that level I can understand why he would leave. I personally wouldn’t leave if put in such a situation, but he’s not me. Adam, like a lot of men, will run from his problems. Some stay away forever, and others come back and try to fix things. Adam may come back and care for his motherless son, or he won’t. It’s just the type of man he is.”
“And so abortion is the solution? Killing their baby so he’ll stay? How does that sound to you?”
“Please don’t tell me you’re one of the cell loving pro-life people; you don’t even believe in God!” Devyn laughed.
“No, but it’s Grace’s baby.”
“It’s cells Raina.” Devyn said flatly, as if correcting her. “It’s not a baby, not yet. It won’t be a baby for another few months; it doesn’t even look like a baby yet. Right now it’s just a growth, which is hardly any different than a tumor. If Grace choose to abort then she wouldn’t be killing a baby, she’d be removing an abscess growth.”
“You’re so fucking crude.”
“Some people are pro-life, other’s pro-choice. I call myself pro-abortion. Some people shouldn’t have children. Not everyone has the gene within themselves to care for another living thing. Grace does, but she’ll be dead. Adam, maybe, but without Grave he’ll be a hollow of a man. Grace, in my opinion, should abort.”
“Well you don’t get an opinion, so I guess you can think what you want.” She said angrily. A lot of the stuff he said made sense, but it didn’t matter how cleverly he put his words together. A baby was growing inside of Grace, and so it was all her choice. Devyn’s stupid opinion meant nothing.
“You’re right, which is why when Grace is around I sit quietly and listen. I’m not going to pass my opinion on her unless she asks, and she won’t ask so I don’t plan on telling her. Sure, I’m one of the people who believe the man should have a say in the discussion too, but I’m not the father of her child. Adam has made his wishes clear but Grace gets the final say. She’s choosing to have a child and leave that child with Adam, who doesn’t want the child if it means a trade for her life.”
“I don’t agree with you but for arguments sake, if Adam leaves his parents will take care of the baby. The baby won’t just be abandoned like you’re describing.”
“They will, I’m sure of it.” Devyn agreed. “But if you aren’t willing to care for the child you made, why have it at all?”
“Because Grace is going to die!” Raina shouted.
“Adam isn’t.” Devyn reminded her. “Grace is smart so maybe she knows everything that I just said, maybe she doesn’t. The point is that if a person is willing to lie down and make a kid they should take care of it. If that doesn’t happen then I will always suggest abortion. The number of children who are abandoned or have unfit parents today is a bit too high for my taste. For the few who get adopted by good parents, great, but the numbers explain it all.”
Dancing all alone
To the sound of an enemy’s song
I’ll be lost until you find me
Fighting on my own
In a war that’s already been won
I’ll be lost until you come and find me here
"I see nothing but flowers and patterns"
prang x faber castell colored pencils
“What makes you happy, Devyn? What makes you smile?”
“This is the perfect opportunity to defend prostitution!” He exclaimed, then looked at her with a sigh. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you said you hate your father but love your family. You’ve explained to me that you aren’t the cliché of a damaged vampire and that you have been in and out of love all your life, and yet you have never told me anything that makes you happy besides women and then naked women. I’d like to have a simply answer to such a simple question.”
Devyn huffed and licked his lips, a sly smile playing on his lips while his eyes focused on something across the room. Raina sensed his untrust, but didn’t allow the thought to play across in her eyes. There was a likely chance that Devyn was never really happy, but rather mildly amused. He did seem to only crack a smile at thoughts he didn’t share with the outside world. Perhaps the funniest thing to Devyn was the secrets his mind kept.
“What makes me happy?” Devyn asked aloud to himself. “Well,” he said slowly, rotating his eyes in her direction. “I’m happiest when my happiness isn’t safe. I could sit here and tell you that the sunset makes me happy, or good music or whiskey, but I measure my happiness by how quickly it can be taken away. The quicker it can be taken away, the more I cherish it, and so the happier I feel.”
Raina looked at Devyn while his words sank in. She was slightly bothered by his answer and couldn’t quite understand why. How could a person go each day with the fear of losing something? Raina herself knew life wasn’t guaranteed to always be great but that didn’t mean she was going to go each day with the fear of it fleeting. How could he?
“You think that’s healthy?” asked Raina stilly.
Devyn shrugged and leaned forward on his knees. “I’d rather cherish it while I have it instead missing it when it’s gone.”
If you’re reading this I just want to say that I’m here for you, if you’re feeling lonely, feel worthless, want to cut, feel fat, suicidal or just need someone to talk to I’m here, I care,you don’t even need to follow me, I just want you to be ok
Moments are swift little things, they certainly are. Soft, beautiful, almost sensual things which move through our lives like the seasonal weathers; the rains of time, winds of troubles, the breathtaking storms of pain, and the silent calm when the branches of the trees are perfectly still. These are the moments where we’re weakest, even when we stand strong; we’re feeble things, like stone to glass. The blood in our veins begins to slow down their run to a steady pace. Our hearts calm and sooth into a lasting sleep and our bodies begin to let go of life with a few seconds of icy tingles throughout our bodies.
Over head the blurred street lamps go black.
We’re meant to lose at life; this is my conclusion. We’re all going to die. The problem with that reality is that we have 60-70 years to live only for it to mean nothing. What happens then? Does the color I paint my room now really matter if I’m going to die?